So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
