I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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