Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
