If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
