youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
