This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
