i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
