It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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