There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Boobs are out for the taking
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
