it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
