it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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