Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
