someone get that fucking seahorse.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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