Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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