The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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