the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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