If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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