Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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