if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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