I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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