Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
