I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
