that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
