Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
