What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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