He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
