just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
