im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
