I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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