this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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