Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
