i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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