She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
