i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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