Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
