ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
