Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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