I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
