This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love you.
Bad choice
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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