You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
