so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
