2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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