i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
