apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
do nipples grow back?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
