Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
