ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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