i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
