i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
