I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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