I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize