I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
