Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Someone signed my nipple.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
