His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
