sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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