Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
