"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
