she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
two words: eviction party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
