At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
