no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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