Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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