Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
