We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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