Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
