i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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