the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
