some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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