I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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