D3 body, D1 cock
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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