It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
