Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
